Rethinking God, Faith, Christianity,Bible, Truth, & Religion...
Just Tell Em' The Truth!
Chapter 1: Oh No He Didn't
Denise was sitting in Mitchell’s chair at the HairTyme beauty salon in Houston, Texas for her regular bi-weekly hair appointment. The ease of communication between Denise and Mitchell made it seem like they had known each other for a long time, but in reality it had only been a few months. Over the short period of time they had known each other they’d become quite comfortable delving into some truthfully un-common conversations about God, religion, spirituality, the bible, church, and of course church folks. They seemed to have found it quite easy to have conversations that most people think about, but dare themselves to verbalize. However, every since Denise and Calvin resigned from their ministry positions with the Concord Community Fellowship church over a year ago Denise had for the first time in her life allowed herself to verbalize all many of the questions that bubbled underneath the surface of her brain in regards to her Christian faith that she was born into and had known so well for as long as she could remember.
Denise was now at a place in her life where she found herself re-evaluating everything she once believed about God, religion, church and most all other spiritual matters. Her re-evaluation however had no impact on her strongest beliefs such as God is Love, love is the greatest power on earth, and that God loved her unconditionally. As a matter of fact, to Denise, this truth was greater now than she’d ever known before. The most liberating truth that Denise now realized more than ever was that the same unconditional love God had for her was the exact same unconditional love God has toward every other human being on earth as well! She no longer ascribed to the belief that God had favorites groups of people and that anybody who didn’t prescribe to one groups stated truth was therefore choosing a one-way ticket straight to hell. Denise had now come to believe that all of humanity and all of creation is favored by God. As a matter of fact, one of Denise’s new sayings was one she heard a woman say on the radio and she immediately agreed with the inclusive spirit of the words –“God bless the whole world no exceptions!”
After meeting Mitchell at the very first appointment, Denise was glad she’d decided to give going to the salon one last go-round because prior to scheduling an appointment for her and her sister Mary, Denise had been in one of her
“I’m-not-goin-to-the-beauty-shop-no-more-shoot-I-can-do-my-own-hair-and-save-money” revolutionary moods and had vowed she was through with the whole beauty shop scene. She was also taking a hiatus from a few other things in her life like organized religion and church folk. She didn’t know at the time that meeting and talking with Mitchell would be and experience that would eventually help her begin dealing with some very critical things going on in her life regarding two very important areas -- her faith and her hair.
Who knew that Denise would find solace in the short time she spent sitting in Mitchell’s chair having candid conversations about two of her most favorite things to talk about God and people. Whenever she thought about it she laughed to herself as it occurred to her that one of the religious sayings she’d heard all of her life was actually kind of true –God did work in mysterious ways. After going to Mitchell for the last couple of months, he and Denise seemed like old friends. Denise was really amazed at how it seemed as if she had known Mitchell for a long time. She had found him to be very interesting and very easy to talk with and on top of that the brotha’ could do some hair. Even heads like Denise’s that called for the expertise of hiding temporary bald spots which is why she ended up in his chair in the first place. Mitchell was said to be a “Master stylist” and from the very first hair appointment Denise understood why they called him a master stylist. He definitely was a master of his craft and took the business of hair very seriously.
Even though Denise only had good things to say about Mitchell and his hair skills and thoroughly enjoyed the freedom she had with him to talk about some of the very pressing things she was experiencing in her life at the time, she also knew the relationship would only be for a season because her goal was to eventually start wearing her own natural hair. Denise found out since she had started coming to Mitchell that his real area of expertise was weaves. He was known as one of the best hair weave specialist around and women sought him out to professionally add the hair to their heads that God, or sometimes a variety of other circumstances, had left them without. Business was going so well for Mitchell that he was planning to start splitting his time in between Houston and Dallas where he already had a growing clientele. He’d even suggested to Denise that she consider wearing a weave in efforts to completely giver her hair a break from applying any heat to her hair.
Of course Mitchell didn’t know that Denise had other plans for her hair and wearing a weave was certainly not in her plans. Denise thought it was“OK” for other women who wanted to wear weaves to achieve the look they wanted, but to her a weave wouldn’t help her be authentically who she was. Mitchell’s stance on weaves was that they were living in the days when weaves were seen more as a minor cosmetic thing, but to Denise it was much more to it than that. To Denise weaves were “fake” even if it was real human hair and it was her hair because she’d paid for it. As far as she was concerned she was far, and getting further each day, from the need or desire of trying to conform to the current societies standard of “what is beautiful hair?”
It had taken quite some time but Denise felt that wearing her hair a certain way so that she could be pleasing in the sight of others was a vice that was quickly losing its’ grip on her life. If people weren’t pleased with how she’d look wearing her own natural hair then that would be just too damn bad. Denise had found that as she stepped into her forties her desires were more towards being authentically who she was and less about who others thought she should be or should look. She wanted to be real with herself and everyone she came in contact with from head to toe both inside and out. And one thing Denise knew for sure was that weaved hair would not help her achieve this goal.
It was a typical hot summer day in August at the HairTyme beauty salon and Denise and Mitchell were having another one of those conversations that she joked with Mitchell about saying they were her “free” therapy sessions. Usually the way it flowed was Denise talked and Mitchell listened or Mitchell talked and Denise listened and then sometimes they shared an opinion or offered a suggestion. During this particular hair appointment Denise was talking with Mitchell about how one of her greatest dilemmas in dealing with what she now labeled her “spiritual transition period” was her children. Denise and her husband Calvin were the proud parents of three wonderful children, Calvin age 13, DeShon age 11 and Neicy age 7. All their lives they had of course been brought up to believe exactly what Denise and Calvin believed and had practically been born in the church. Prior to the resignation the Wilson family was usually the first people at church and one of the last families to leave church every single Sunday and Wednesday without fail. After the resignation the children had asked about why Calvin and Denise had decided to leave the church and expressed how they much missed seeing their church friends. Lately however, they didn’t seem to mind at all that the family’s church attendance had trickled down to visiting churches once a month on Sunday’s only.
On this particular day, Denise found herself rambling on and on about how she often wondered what she should tell her children about what she was experiencing because she didn’t know how it would affect them. She had been going on and on for a while when she finally with exasperation muttered“what am I going to tell my children now?” After those words escaped from Denise’s mouth she immediately realized that she had just shared with Mitchell one of her greatest fears and the thought of doing so instantly made her feel like she had said too much. For a few moments that to Denise seemed like an eternity there was complete silence and the only response she received was hearing Mitchell say hmmm…as if he had went into deep thought and was imagining himself being in her situation with his own children.
In a way she was hoping that this would be one of those times when Mitchell offered some wise observation or suggestion but the growing awkward silence left her wishing she hadn’t even mentioned anything about what had actually become one of her greatest fears. Had she forgotten that although Mitchell was a licensed professional hair stylist that he was not a licensed professional therapist? How in the world could she have sat there and exposed one of her most personal fears to someone who in actuality she’d hardly even known. Had she been in church this most certainly would have been one of those times when she could have done what she’d seen people do in church when she was a little girl, get up raise their hand half way up and excuse themselves right out of the sanctuary while the pastor was still in preaching mode. Unfortunately for her she thought to herself, she wasn’t in church, she was at the HairTyme salon and Mitchell still had to finish doing her hair.
Just as Denise began to feel even more uncomfortable and tried to think of something to say to break the awkward silence and cover the feeling of dread she was beginning to experience, Mitchell’s response broke the silence. His words were few and very deliberate. He said them in a way that suggested that he knew that Denise really already knew what to do but was just waiting on someone outside of herself to push her to do it. And for a brief second Mitchell stopped doing her hair and looked up at her in the mirror where she too looked when he stopped doing her hair. With his eyes looking directly into hers as they both looked in the mirror at each other he said “Just tell em’ the truth”and then resumed to doing one of the things he did best, putting the finishing touches on Denise’s hair.
The five simple words that Mitchell said sent Denise on what she felt was a temporary but sudden tailspin that she knew had the power to forever change her life as well as the lives of all those around her. Denise knew Mitchell’s words were sincere and were exactly what she needed to do, but she also knew that what he said to her was something that in reality would be easier said than done.
Denise couldn’t remember what or even if Mitchell said anything else to her because it seemed like all of a sudden with the brightness of the clarity of the words he said that time stood still. The challenge to tell her children the truth was complicated by the fact that the truth of the matter is that Denise was herself in the process of re-evaluating truth. Every since the resignation she found herself having a multitude of thoughts and questions about “truth” and what she had believed about truth, and what she now believed about truth. It was as if an internal dam had been broken inside of her and all of a sudden all the thoughts and questions and doubts she’d been trying to hold back from dealing with were now demanded her attention. They could no longer be ignored.
Denise thought to herself how telling the truth is easy when you think you KNOW the truth. How many times had she sat or stood in church and heard or given a sermon that encouraged people that it is only the truth that sets us free. But damn, how do you tell a truth that you no longer know, or one you thought you knew that suddenly now has become a truth that you realize has now is one that you’re still trying to figure out and the experience of doing so is changing the very foundation of your belief system? How do you tell the truth when you know telling the truth about what you are experiencing is something that your family and friends would never expect of you and will without a doubt be disappointing to many who were once supportive of you and now would probably categorize you as an heretic because of some of the conclusion you’ve made. How do you tell the truth when telling the truth is no longer comfortable and easy but now has become uncomfortable, hard and inconvenient?
All Denise remembers thinking at the time was “Oh no he didn’t”! “Oh no he didn’t” tell her to do something that as a mature Christian and former ordained minister she had always prided herself on doing with boldness, confidence and clarity. “Oh no he didn’t” unknowingly give her a gentle push toward encouraging her to do whatever it would take for her to be the authentic person God created her to be. “Oh no he didn’t” suggest to her that being true to herself , true to her children and true to everybody else about where she was right now in her life experience no matter how awkward and transitory it might be, is the only real answer for her. “Oh no he didn’t!
By the time Denise came back to herself Mitchell was giving her the mirror to let her check out her fresh new hairstyle. Denise thought to herself once again how Mitchell surely was a miracle worker when it came to doing hair. No matter what a sistah’s hair looked like when she came in, after a couple of hours sitting in his chair she not only looked beautiful but she felt beautiful too, and today was no exception, Denise’s hair was absolutely beautiful. After Denise checked out her hair in the mirror she knew she looked like a woman who was ready to face the world with confidence, boldness and sensuality but beneath it all Denise knew that she was merely just a walking façade.
Denise flashed her million dollar smile and thanked Mitchell for another job well done. She whipped out her money and scheduled her next appointment which after 8 weeks would mean that it would be once again time for her chemical crack touch-up process. Denise walked out of the beauty salon acting as if all was well, but inside, with Mitchell’s words lingering in her mind Denise was reeling as she got in her car and headed home. During the drive home she thought about how although she might look like she was ready to face world, in reality she damn sure wasn’t ready to face the truth. Little did Mitchell know that what he said had literally just pushed Denise to a point of no return spiritually, mentally and physically? There really was no more doubt that things were definitely changing and would no longer be the same and Denise just didn’t know if she was really ready to deal with the changes, but what was her alternative? “Oh no he didn’t”.
Denise was now at a place in her life where she found herself re-evaluating everything she once believed about God, religion, church and most all other spiritual matters. Her re-evaluation however had no impact on her strongest beliefs such as God is Love, love is the greatest power on earth, and that God loved her unconditionally. As a matter of fact, to Denise, this truth was greater now than she’d ever known before. The most liberating truth that Denise now realized more than ever was that the same unconditional love God had for her was the exact same unconditional love God has toward every other human being on earth as well! She no longer ascribed to the belief that God had favorites groups of people and that anybody who didn’t prescribe to one groups stated truth was therefore choosing a one-way ticket straight to hell. Denise had now come to believe that all of humanity and all of creation is favored by God. As a matter of fact, one of Denise’s new sayings was one she heard a woman say on the radio and she immediately agreed with the inclusive spirit of the words –“God bless the whole world no exceptions!”
After meeting Mitchell at the very first appointment, Denise was glad she’d decided to give going to the salon one last go-round because prior to scheduling an appointment for her and her sister Mary, Denise had been in one of her
“I’m-not-goin-to-the-beauty-shop-no-more-shoot-I-can-do-my-own-hair-and-save-money” revolutionary moods and had vowed she was through with the whole beauty shop scene. She was also taking a hiatus from a few other things in her life like organized religion and church folk. She didn’t know at the time that meeting and talking with Mitchell would be and experience that would eventually help her begin dealing with some very critical things going on in her life regarding two very important areas -- her faith and her hair.
Who knew that Denise would find solace in the short time she spent sitting in Mitchell’s chair having candid conversations about two of her most favorite things to talk about God and people. Whenever she thought about it she laughed to herself as it occurred to her that one of the religious sayings she’d heard all of her life was actually kind of true –God did work in mysterious ways. After going to Mitchell for the last couple of months, he and Denise seemed like old friends. Denise was really amazed at how it seemed as if she had known Mitchell for a long time. She had found him to be very interesting and very easy to talk with and on top of that the brotha’ could do some hair. Even heads like Denise’s that called for the expertise of hiding temporary bald spots which is why she ended up in his chair in the first place. Mitchell was said to be a “Master stylist” and from the very first hair appointment Denise understood why they called him a master stylist. He definitely was a master of his craft and took the business of hair very seriously.
Even though Denise only had good things to say about Mitchell and his hair skills and thoroughly enjoyed the freedom she had with him to talk about some of the very pressing things she was experiencing in her life at the time, she also knew the relationship would only be for a season because her goal was to eventually start wearing her own natural hair. Denise found out since she had started coming to Mitchell that his real area of expertise was weaves. He was known as one of the best hair weave specialist around and women sought him out to professionally add the hair to their heads that God, or sometimes a variety of other circumstances, had left them without. Business was going so well for Mitchell that he was planning to start splitting his time in between Houston and Dallas where he already had a growing clientele. He’d even suggested to Denise that she consider wearing a weave in efforts to completely giver her hair a break from applying any heat to her hair.
Of course Mitchell didn’t know that Denise had other plans for her hair and wearing a weave was certainly not in her plans. Denise thought it was“OK” for other women who wanted to wear weaves to achieve the look they wanted, but to her a weave wouldn’t help her be authentically who she was. Mitchell’s stance on weaves was that they were living in the days when weaves were seen more as a minor cosmetic thing, but to Denise it was much more to it than that. To Denise weaves were “fake” even if it was real human hair and it was her hair because she’d paid for it. As far as she was concerned she was far, and getting further each day, from the need or desire of trying to conform to the current societies standard of “what is beautiful hair?”
It had taken quite some time but Denise felt that wearing her hair a certain way so that she could be pleasing in the sight of others was a vice that was quickly losing its’ grip on her life. If people weren’t pleased with how she’d look wearing her own natural hair then that would be just too damn bad. Denise had found that as she stepped into her forties her desires were more towards being authentically who she was and less about who others thought she should be or should look. She wanted to be real with herself and everyone she came in contact with from head to toe both inside and out. And one thing Denise knew for sure was that weaved hair would not help her achieve this goal.
It was a typical hot summer day in August at the HairTyme beauty salon and Denise and Mitchell were having another one of those conversations that she joked with Mitchell about saying they were her “free” therapy sessions. Usually the way it flowed was Denise talked and Mitchell listened or Mitchell talked and Denise listened and then sometimes they shared an opinion or offered a suggestion. During this particular hair appointment Denise was talking with Mitchell about how one of her greatest dilemmas in dealing with what she now labeled her “spiritual transition period” was her children. Denise and her husband Calvin were the proud parents of three wonderful children, Calvin age 13, DeShon age 11 and Neicy age 7. All their lives they had of course been brought up to believe exactly what Denise and Calvin believed and had practically been born in the church. Prior to the resignation the Wilson family was usually the first people at church and one of the last families to leave church every single Sunday and Wednesday without fail. After the resignation the children had asked about why Calvin and Denise had decided to leave the church and expressed how they much missed seeing their church friends. Lately however, they didn’t seem to mind at all that the family’s church attendance had trickled down to visiting churches once a month on Sunday’s only.
On this particular day, Denise found herself rambling on and on about how she often wondered what she should tell her children about what she was experiencing because she didn’t know how it would affect them. She had been going on and on for a while when she finally with exasperation muttered“what am I going to tell my children now?” After those words escaped from Denise’s mouth she immediately realized that she had just shared with Mitchell one of her greatest fears and the thought of doing so instantly made her feel like she had said too much. For a few moments that to Denise seemed like an eternity there was complete silence and the only response she received was hearing Mitchell say hmmm…as if he had went into deep thought and was imagining himself being in her situation with his own children.
In a way she was hoping that this would be one of those times when Mitchell offered some wise observation or suggestion but the growing awkward silence left her wishing she hadn’t even mentioned anything about what had actually become one of her greatest fears. Had she forgotten that although Mitchell was a licensed professional hair stylist that he was not a licensed professional therapist? How in the world could she have sat there and exposed one of her most personal fears to someone who in actuality she’d hardly even known. Had she been in church this most certainly would have been one of those times when she could have done what she’d seen people do in church when she was a little girl, get up raise their hand half way up and excuse themselves right out of the sanctuary while the pastor was still in preaching mode. Unfortunately for her she thought to herself, she wasn’t in church, she was at the HairTyme salon and Mitchell still had to finish doing her hair.
Just as Denise began to feel even more uncomfortable and tried to think of something to say to break the awkward silence and cover the feeling of dread she was beginning to experience, Mitchell’s response broke the silence. His words were few and very deliberate. He said them in a way that suggested that he knew that Denise really already knew what to do but was just waiting on someone outside of herself to push her to do it. And for a brief second Mitchell stopped doing her hair and looked up at her in the mirror where she too looked when he stopped doing her hair. With his eyes looking directly into hers as they both looked in the mirror at each other he said “Just tell em’ the truth”and then resumed to doing one of the things he did best, putting the finishing touches on Denise’s hair.
The five simple words that Mitchell said sent Denise on what she felt was a temporary but sudden tailspin that she knew had the power to forever change her life as well as the lives of all those around her. Denise knew Mitchell’s words were sincere and were exactly what she needed to do, but she also knew that what he said to her was something that in reality would be easier said than done.
Denise couldn’t remember what or even if Mitchell said anything else to her because it seemed like all of a sudden with the brightness of the clarity of the words he said that time stood still. The challenge to tell her children the truth was complicated by the fact that the truth of the matter is that Denise was herself in the process of re-evaluating truth. Every since the resignation she found herself having a multitude of thoughts and questions about “truth” and what she had believed about truth, and what she now believed about truth. It was as if an internal dam had been broken inside of her and all of a sudden all the thoughts and questions and doubts she’d been trying to hold back from dealing with were now demanded her attention. They could no longer be ignored.
Denise thought to herself how telling the truth is easy when you think you KNOW the truth. How many times had she sat or stood in church and heard or given a sermon that encouraged people that it is only the truth that sets us free. But damn, how do you tell a truth that you no longer know, or one you thought you knew that suddenly now has become a truth that you realize has now is one that you’re still trying to figure out and the experience of doing so is changing the very foundation of your belief system? How do you tell the truth when you know telling the truth about what you are experiencing is something that your family and friends would never expect of you and will without a doubt be disappointing to many who were once supportive of you and now would probably categorize you as an heretic because of some of the conclusion you’ve made. How do you tell the truth when telling the truth is no longer comfortable and easy but now has become uncomfortable, hard and inconvenient?
All Denise remembers thinking at the time was “Oh no he didn’t”! “Oh no he didn’t” tell her to do something that as a mature Christian and former ordained minister she had always prided herself on doing with boldness, confidence and clarity. “Oh no he didn’t” unknowingly give her a gentle push toward encouraging her to do whatever it would take for her to be the authentic person God created her to be. “Oh no he didn’t” suggest to her that being true to herself , true to her children and true to everybody else about where she was right now in her life experience no matter how awkward and transitory it might be, is the only real answer for her. “Oh no he didn’t!
By the time Denise came back to herself Mitchell was giving her the mirror to let her check out her fresh new hairstyle. Denise thought to herself once again how Mitchell surely was a miracle worker when it came to doing hair. No matter what a sistah’s hair looked like when she came in, after a couple of hours sitting in his chair she not only looked beautiful but she felt beautiful too, and today was no exception, Denise’s hair was absolutely beautiful. After Denise checked out her hair in the mirror she knew she looked like a woman who was ready to face the world with confidence, boldness and sensuality but beneath it all Denise knew that she was merely just a walking façade.
Denise flashed her million dollar smile and thanked Mitchell for another job well done. She whipped out her money and scheduled her next appointment which after 8 weeks would mean that it would be once again time for her chemical crack touch-up process. Denise walked out of the beauty salon acting as if all was well, but inside, with Mitchell’s words lingering in her mind Denise was reeling as she got in her car and headed home. During the drive home she thought about how although she might look like she was ready to face world, in reality she damn sure wasn’t ready to face the truth. Little did Mitchell know that what he said had literally just pushed Denise to a point of no return spiritually, mentally and physically? There really was no more doubt that things were definitely changing and would no longer be the same and Denise just didn’t know if she was really ready to deal with the changes, but what was her alternative? “Oh no he didn’t”.